H2O Church - Orlando, FL
Leading: Band X
What a crappy start to the weekend! I missed the company holiday party Friday night because I was called to work. I worked from 7:45pm to 1:30am. I got 4 hours sleep, then worked for another 2.5 hours. I was working like a madman because I didn't want to miss H2O band rehearsal.
I got there on time, but was in such a foul mood. I confessed it to the band leader. He empathized a little then said, "Well, let's hope the next hour and a half is a blessing." I recognized how pointless it is to play without a worshipful heart. We prayed and I jumped into it, wanting to get lost in the music and not wanting to think about how work might call me and I'd have to leave. Noon came around, practice was over, work hadn't called me and I felt a whole lot better!
We played Sunday morning and it went great. I had my cell phone out on the music stand so I could see if someone called me. No one did. Praise God. The set was pretty good. I got to play around with the higher stuff again. I've still got that tiny jazz pick and I love playing with it!
I'm ashamed to say it, but I'm still having trouble reading the congregation on Sundays. Maybe I've got this picture in my head about what people worshipping God with all they have is supposed to look like. Maybe I'm projecting my own insecurities upon them. Maybe they really are worshipping God, but just aren't the type to be super-expressive about it. I suspect a part of the congregation is like that - and it's contagious. When you're unsure of yourself, it's easier to asume the characteristics of someone else than to express your own.
I should start praying for some boldness for the H2O folks. I also need to start praying that God changes my expectations of the musical worship time on Sundays. I read another chapter of "The Unquenchable Worshipper" where Matt Redman speaks about his mis-guided expectations of being a musical worship leader.
"As I stood in the congregation, God's presence invaded my heart in a new and powerful way. But it wasn't one of those tender, reassuring times. All it did was make me want to repent. Rising to the surface of my heart came those little unspoken attitudes and thoughts that had passed by unnoticed and which I now saw had offended the heart of God...'Why on earth am I here as a worship leader?' I wondered. 'I need to be here just to get right with Gos in the congregation, off the stage.' I was an undone worshipper.
That's exactly how God wanted it. When I got up to lead the next session, He didn't want me thinking I could achieve something or that I had something special to give. He desires a broken and dependent heart."
We need to be up there and worship God ourselves. When we do that, Holy Spirit comes and leads the people into worship of God the Father. That's how it should be. That's the attitude I want my actions to reflect.
Another thing - JT came up to me after rehearsal on Saturday and gave me some props. We had a rusty drummer and a nervous lead guitarist (he was playing lead for the first time). JT said he was glad to have me around because he knew he didn't have to worry about me. He said I was his rock this weekend. How cool is that?