Doubts

Playing on the iPod: "Pretty Brown Eyes" by Mint Condition, "Missing Person" by Michael W. Smith and "The Way You Look Tonight" by Phil Collins.

This entry should make Danielle happy. She's been bugging me for a while to make some more entries.

It's Sunday night and I really feel like talking to someone. The thing is that there's no one I know that I want to call. I thought about talking to random, anonymous people on IRC, but I wouldn't even know where to begin there. I've always known that I should talk to God instead of trying to find a person to talk to. So, maybe I can talk to Him while I write this.

Playing on the iPod: "Your Grace Is Enough" by Chris Tomlin, "Nothing But The Blood" by Matt Redman and "Will You" by P.O.D.

For a long time, Brian described to me what he and Stacey had felt like in their spiritual lives - stuck. Questions like "What next?", "What am I to do?" and "Why isn't anything happening?" are indications of being in such a state. That's where I am now. I've been involved with Crossings Community Church for a couple of months now. My frustration has come to a head this weekend. I have no relationship with the people in my young adults small group. Everyone in the group is either married or might as well be, except for me. They all hang out together while I just go home. They all seem content to be with one another, even during small groups. There's no outreach to bring more people into the group or the church.

Playing on the iPod: "Man of God" by Audio Adrenaline and "Never Been Unloved" by Michael W. Smith.

Lyrics follow

Playing on the iPod: "When the Tears Fall" by Tim Hughes & "Help Me Be New" by Sara Groves.

I had a conversation with Danielle today that made me realize that, indeed, I am lonely. The problem is: I'm not sure why - meaning I'm having trouble narrowing down the cause.

Playing on the iPod: "Next 5 Minutes" by Steven Curtis Chapman, "Beautiful Day" by Sanctus Real and "So Good" by God's Property.

That's what I feel like God says back to me sometimes - "Well, duh!" It's like some discomfort (physical or otherwise) makes me finally see what He's been trying to make me understand for some time. Being imperfect, I'm a little slow on the uptake. So, when I feel like I've gotten a hold of some hidden wisdom or that I finally accept some truth that I've been avoiding, I really can imagine God responding with frustrated relief.