Spiritual Stuff

Playing on the jukebox: "Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)" by Chris Rice, "God of Wonders" and "Show Me Your Glory" by Third Day.

God is so completely awesome!!! I held my first bible study last night and it went great! My roommate and I and the other 2 guys were there and it was a great time of fellowship and getting into the Word. We shared tesimonies and got to know each other better. They're all great guys.

Playing on the jukebox: "Sing to the King", "Knees to the Earth", and "Take My Life" from the newest Passion CD, "Sacred Revolution - Songs from OneDay '03".

Things are looking very up this week. It's amazing - I'm just overwhelmed by the love and faithfulness of God. I went to church Sunday and cried almost the whole time, but it wasn't because of the terrible loneliness. It was because I was just so wrapped up in how much God loves me. He loves me so much to run to me when I've fallen - even when I've done it to myself. The thing that gets me every time is that I don't deserve it. I never have. But, that doesn't matter to Him. All He cares about is being with me! It's such a hard concept to grasp. Nobody else wants me that much - why would God?

Playing on the jukebox: "God Is God", "Walk With the Wise", and "Only Natural" by Steven Curtis Chapman.

Boy, that last journal entry is just so "glass half empty" - talk about a pity party.

Today marks two months since the official breakup of Lisa and I. The past two months have been filled with all kinds of ups and downs for me. Most of it has to do with me being lonely without Lisa. I was so convinced that I could let her go. I suppose I rebounded on that one...so, I'm not perfect. If I was, I wouldn't need Jesus. As my good friend, Stacey, told me once: the more Jesus has to rescue me from, the more I love Him.

Playing on the jukebox: "Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)" by Chris Rice, "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns & "Let Me Praise You Now" by Fred Hammond and Radical for Christ.

Sitting down to write these entries always seems difficult. I have to sift through all that's going through my head and figure what is worthy of writing down. It seems that there are always certain thoughts that stick with me. Continuing to journal them seems repetitive, yet necessary.

I'm so busy and so tired with this new schedule of mine. Mondays and Wednesdays are the worst. I leave the apartment around 5:20am and don't get back until 10:30pm. Working at Sully's again is really throwing my sleep schedule off. It's nice extra money, though. Tuesdays and Thursday nights are the only times that I don't have anything going on in the evenings. I'm beginning to understand that I really like (and miss) the collegiate lifestyle. Part of this dissatisfaction stems from the fact that, as I walk through the ADM parking lot, I am always thinking "I hate this job. I don't want to be here. I want to go back to sleep." I like ADM as a company, but this position I'm in now is not what I want to do. I'm so bored, it's pathetic.

Playing on the jukebox: "Spontaneous Worship" by Paul Baloche and "Help Me Believe" by Nichole Nordeman.

It's funny how God works in our lives. I just finished reading "Armageddon". When Chloe is beheaded, Buck cannot understand why God wouldn't rescue his wife miraculously in the midst of all the other miracles He had been performing. When he's asking all those questions to Tsion, all Tsion can say is something similar to: "We can't know the mind of God. You just have to trust Him. Trust God."